My Wake Up Call
I was in my weekly internship meeting with Steve Dancey, when he called me out multiple times.
“Stop apologizing”, “Never doubt yourself”, “Don’t sell yourself short” are all phrases he repeated.
I had never noticed I was doing these things until he brought it to my attention.
I guess it was second nature for me to shrink myself. Probably because I am only 19-years-old, and effectively just a teenage girl! I was simply an intern, so what would I know? That was my thought process.
It was that belief that led me to say things like:
- Sorry, I just had a quick question
- Sorry, this is probably a silly thing to say
And preemptively diminishing myself didn’t solely consist of the word “sorry”. It took many forms:
- “I just wanted to add…”
- “I only had one idea…”
- “That’s all I had”
- “This is probably wrong, but…“
Every single one of these is a small apology. Every one of these phrases chips away my authority, my confidence, and my perceived ability.
This Is Bigger Than Me
I’m not the only one who does this – far from it. A YouGov study found that 24% of Americans apologize at least once a day, and younger people do it even more. Communication research also shows that women apologize more because they’re taught to see more situations as “apology‑worthy.” A Harvard Business School Professor realized that new and junior employees soften their voice or hold back entirely because they don’t feel secure enough to contribute their ideas.
This is a widespread habit that degrades how we show up, lead, and communicate.
My Accountability Announcement
Steve brought this to my attention, and now I am bringing it to yours.
Listen to yourself in your next meeting: Are you selling yourself short? Are you apologizing for something unnecessary? Are you doubting yourself?
This is half the battle! Because once you are aware of it, the easier it is to take the next step and change it.
I encourage you to come on this journey with me. Make a conscious effort to stop apologizing when there is nothing to apologize for. Put this mindset into practice… starting now!
My mother used to tell me this growing up, and now I finally understand what she truly meant. So it only feels fitting to share her words with you: “be bold, be brave, and be unapologetic.”
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